Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
