Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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