Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
