Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He? As in you personified your dick?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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