So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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