you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
