PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
