It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Terrible idea I love it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
