If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
His hands were made for my vagina.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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