hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
