I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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