getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
