Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
