Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
