I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize