I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
