I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
