I just made out with a guy for $7.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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