There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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