is your mom at the bar?
You're so nebulous sometimes
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
