after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize