where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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