if you like me you must not know who I am
the day after is always just damage control
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
