I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
