I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
