What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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