her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
