He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
