he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
