I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
