I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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