I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
