Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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