I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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