? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
