Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They took my balls.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize