I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
