I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
