i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
