Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He? As in you personified your dick?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
