i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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