I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
