Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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