White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
