apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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