Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
