I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
