I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
