drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
