sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
