I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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