im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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