She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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