just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
my liver is dry heaving
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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