he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
