how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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