Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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