i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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