I threw up into my coffee this morning.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
