I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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