She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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