She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize