A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
