i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
