I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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