Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
