thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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