I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
