Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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