shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my shit smells like andre
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Are my feet made of real feet?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
