2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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