you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
