At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
