i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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