My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
