Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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